Friday, February 24, 2012


Courage - “The ability to do something that frightens one; strength in the face of pain or grief.”

As I go through life, I can’t help but feel disappointed in some of the people I have come to know. I was taught to face life and all of its challenges with strength, faith and courage. When things seem to be going horribly wrong, when pain surrounds you and the light of a better day seems to abandon you, fight through it and create your own light. But what is one to do when you feel like that light has permanently abandoned you - when no matter how hard you look, how many corners you upturn, you can’t find even the tiniest sliver?

No matter what life has thrown at me, I have tried my hardest to put on a brave face and conquer every challenge. A little more than a year ago, I was suffering - and I met someone who pulled me up by my bootstraps, who made me believe in myself again. I used to think that person was the strongest of all, but now I see my hero is in fact weaker than I. While he handles some trials with strength and grace, when it comes to the hardest ones, the ones where he may actually get hurt, he runs away. And by running away, he hurts everyone else.

As I sit here, I am left to wonder when exactly my strength will run out. For I have handled pain, pressure and crushing defeat day after day after day, for years. And while I continue to try and deal with life’s cruel, harsh blows, I find myself struggling more and more to keep my head above water. Though I try my hardest to save myself, I know deep down that I don’t have the strength. I don’t have the heart. My conviction is waning. I truly believe that somewhere out there is my saving grace, but will it arrive in time?

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